Well, it is the weekend again.  I wish I was jumping for joy at the prospect of two days of freedom and fun.  Instead I woke up late…after a long night of the usual getting up to pee and struggle to get back to sleep…and there was my crashing headache again!  Actually, the pain was more in my face, around my right eye and all along the jaw, and on the right side of my nose.  Half a headache!  I never have a constant pattern, so I can never work out what could be the overall cause.  

I know this is not a migraine.  I can still function and even come online and write to you. That is a good thing.  It means I will be able to do some things today, but not enjoy them as much as I’d like.  That is my usual weekend woe.  I cannot remember the last weekend when my body didn’t punish me for the week’s efforts.  I have gone to family gatherings (Mother’s Day with blinding pain in my face) trying desperately to look cheerful.  I have cheered from the bleachers as my son hits runs and pitches perfect innings, all while nursing the headache and body pain.  I’m there in mind and spirit, but my body is giving me bloody murder for my audacity.

Then there are the days when it just ‘aint gonna happen no matter what!  I just HAVE to stay in bed and melt into the pain, ignoring all family obligations and needs.  Thankfully Hubby and boys are very understanding but I hate them having to see me this way.  There are people who try to get it but don’t.  I was okay yesterday so why can’t I rally now?  I don’t need to go to hospital so it can’t be that bad.  I went to a concert last week…surely I’m just exaggerating now?

I am very lucky that I am not suffering from the kind of fibromyalgia that literally prevents any work or play.  I am very lucky that I can do things.  But, I always pay the price with the pain and fatigue.  I never have a day free from some degree of pain.  I always feel like I need to just curl up and go to sleep.  I always feel like I’m putting on a show.

Then  I read about other Fibro Warriors and those fighting other chronic illnesses and feel lucky…and angry that they are experiencing the same crappy medical support I am…and some of them can’t even get through a day without collapsing.

So I am going to drag my butt out today, headache be damned, and go to the local nursery to get some plants for the garden.  Simple plants that will not need to rely on my daily care of course, as I am not a reliable plant momma!  But, hopefully my next post will be more upbeat about my lovely purchases.

Keep moving forward!


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